Searching High and Low for Someplace to Hide!

I’ve been horribly neglecting my postings, for which I heartily apologize. It’s been a very quick six weeks and, as today is my first day back at work, I’m feeling pretty disoriented. Physically, I’m ready to be back, just not mentally. I’m hoping I’ll get used to everything quickly, otherwise I’m gonna have to engage in some scream therapy.

So last time, I promised I’d tell you about my recovery period. I stayed at my parents’ house until the day after Christmas, which was really great. My mom stayed with me the whole time, so we ended up watching seasons one and two of Buffy the Vampire Slayer – a not-so-secret obsession of mine. Now she’s hooked on the show too, so every Sunday we get together and continue our watching.

Mom and I took walks together, as well. Most of the time, we went in our pajamas, and that was actually really fun. I slept on the couch in the living room and, by the time Christmas came, I was ready for my own bed. We had my mom’s family over on the 17th for Christmas dinner. It was great to see everyone and dinner wasn’t even too difficult for me. I did miss the yams though… I love yams!

Christmas day, we went over to my aunt and uncles house for the Hicks family Christmas. Dinner there was okay as well. I ate at a TV tray and had 1oz. potato soup, 1 oz. kiwi-strawberry jell-o, and 1oz. V8. One of my cousins said that my jell-o looked good… of course, this was when he was coming back from getting seconds so I just laughed at him.

The day after, I finally went home! My parents helped me carry all my presents and luggage up the stairs to my apartment and I spent at least a week putting everything away. I was sooooo glad to see my kitties and, after a brief period of them trying to decide whether or not to forgive me, we cuddled for a good, long time.

Being on my own was something I hadn’t realized I needed to prepare for. It wasn’t the eating or anything like that, my mom had helped me prepare to do that by myself. It was actually just being… alone again. The house was so quiet and, whenever I looked around, I remembered that I did have a life just waiting for me to return to it. That kept me good and stressed for the first few days.

After that though, I made myself forget about anything even vaguely resembling responsibility and just tried to enjoy the time off… which wasn’t easy. I didn’t leave the house much, unless I needed to for some reason, or to walk and get my mail. My pajamas began taking on a personality, but I started changing them before they could talk on their own.

To be honest, I don’t really remember much of my time off. There are certain things I remember very well. The medication comes to mind. Daily, I take a pre-natal multivitamin (chewable), an Urso pill to prevent gallstones (twice a day for 6 mo., cut into 4ths), a Prevacid capsule (opened, swallow only the granules – 60 days), and my Paxil (cut in half). I just started taking a sublingual B12 vitamin (dissolve under the tongue, 3x’s per week) and, as soon as they arrive in the mail I start taking my Calcium Citrate (chewable wafers w/ vitamin D, 5 250 mg. Wafers, spread through out the day – do not take within 1 to 2 hours of the multivitamin or it’s be too much calcium all and once and I won’t absorb all of it.)

I remember the protein supplements. We tried several different kinds at my parents’ house and after getting home I found another one. It tastes all right… I’ve definitely tasted worse (Atkins… yuck!). I need 61-63 g. Protein per day and the one I got had 60 per serving. Plus 9 g. per serving of Lactaid milk… I’m getting plenty. The trouble is making myself take it! It’s a little thick and makes me very thirsty. When I mix the required amount (3 scoops into 1 ½ cups milk) it froths up to 3 cups. I tried interchanging sips of that with sips of water, but that took forever to finish. Especially since, at first, I could only take a half oz. sip every five minutes.
On a stranger note, I discovered that unflavored water hurt my stomach a little. I asked about it and was told that others had discovered the same thing. No one knows why. As I moved into eating soft foods, I seemed to do all right with most stuff. Meat products still aren’t comfortable, so I’m taking my time with them (deli meats are okay though, they’re moist enough).

The biggest problems I’ve been facing are, firstly, insomnia. Apparently, (and I had no idea this could happen) people who undergo a major surgery have a tendency to suffer from insomnia afterwards. This totally affected my sleeping habits. Some nights, I’d lie awake for hours, only to sleep all day and be up all night. Other times, I’d wake up at 5:00 AM and be unable to sleep again until around 2:00 in the afternoon, when I’d suddenly become exhausted. I’m still fighting with this, which makes working that much more difficult.

The second problem is with my Paxil. I’m not absorbing it the way I should, so my body chemistry had been affected. A little depression has surfaced, but mostly it’s lethargy. I just don’t want to do anything.

The last two weeks were both easier and harder. School started again, and that was a strain to get used to. I started writing for pleasure again, and that really helped get my mind out of the haze I kept finding myself in. I knew I was in trouble when my two favorite things on the planet (talking to my best friend and reading), became something that started to slide from my life. I guess it’s hard to keep up your end of a conversation when your mind feels completely empty.
The writing has really helped bring around my focus. Brian (the aforementioned best friend) has been a huge help, making sure to nag me and talk to me every day, really working at getting me back to my old self again. She’s not back just yet, but she’s in the area, and on her way.

So now, I find out that my money issues are suddenly getting a whole lot worse. I went on SDI while I was off, and my check came in late, so the payroll clerk at work stopped my 1-25-05 paycheck! That’s my rent money! She’s going to try and fix it, but no promises. Then she tells me, unless I get another SDI check, I won’t get much on the 10th of Feb.! I tried calling SDI, but couldn’t get through. So now, I’m back at work, REALLY stressed, and seriously considering early retirement.

Anybody wanna board a college student? With two cats? I don't eat much!

Good Morning Starshine

Hi everyone! I know you've been thinking about me and I'm very sorry for the delay. It's been such a fast couple of weeks that I've been putting off doing anything that I have to do, just so that I can enjoy my recovery time and heal properly. I'm doing great and I feel wonderful.

My parent's picked me up at 5:00 AM on the morning of December 14 and we all headed out to Pleasantons Valley Care Memorial Hospital. I registered, telling the woman that I was checking in to the Deluxe Suite with a view of the pool. We waited a bit and after about half an hour, a nurse came to get me. I changed from my pajamas into a hospital gown and got into a bed. (WARNING: THIS NEXT LINE IS ANOTHER "TOO-MUCH-INFORMATION" MOMENT!) As luck would have it, I had started my period just a day or so before, but I was assured that it wouldn't be a problem. I wasn't allowed to wear tampons, but they gave me a pad to place between my legs (since I couldn't wear underwear either). (YOU'RE SAFE AGAIN!)

I'm a lot like my dad and so of course, they couldn't find an appropriate vein to place the IV into. My nurse finally called her supervisor to 'dig' for one and they placed the needle on my left arm, on the right side crease of my wrist near the thumb. Not a comfortable place! Just as I began listening to Bing Crosby sing christmas songs with The Andrew's Sisters, they allowed my mom and dad to come and sit with me. My dad had brought his portable DVD player, so we watched Spiderman 2 and talked a bit while we waited. I was so tired (it WAS early) so I kept nodding off. Mom finally told me to go to sleep but I was so cold, the nurse came over and put a blanket over me. The blanket was inflatable with hot air and so very nice and warm.

I needed to have three liters of saline fluid put into me before surgery, so we waited. I met with the anesthiologist and the nurse who would be there during the surgery and suddenly, it was a quarter to nine and everyone was ready for me. I had been given some sort of relaxant so this part is a little fuzzy for me. I don't remember if I said good-bye to my parents or not, but knowing my mother, I'm sure one of us said something. I don't really remember being taken into the surgery room but I do remember being there. I Remember talking to the anesthiologist and mentioning that I work in a Medi-cal office. That didn't make him to happy and he was saying something about Medi-cal taking money away from the doctors or something. I was just about to say something in my personal defense when he asked if I was ready to go to sleep. I said yes and the next thing I remember is waking up in recovery.

Waking up wasn't as disorienting as I thought it would be. The nurse was there and I asked him if I could pee, knowing that I should have a cathater in. He said yes but despite how badly I needed to go, I couldn't make myself do it. I was getting frustrated and told the nurse my problem. He told me not to worry, that I was peeing just fine but with the catheter in, I probably couldn't feel it. I had gotten a green dye all over my face and someone came to clean it off of me. I don't remember much after that until I was wheeled into my hospital room on the second floor a little later. I asked where my parents were and the staff told me that they were probably up and that they'd been asking about me every fifteen minutes or so for the last 2 hours. I was later told by my parents that the surgery had lasted about an hour and a half, and the doctor had told them that I was a textbook perfect case with absolutely no complications. However, they had some trouble waking me up afterwards so they kept me in the recovery room an hour longer than usual, just to make sure. From something I remember hearing while I was just coming to, I think I was out for an hour and a half.

That first day was pretty fuzzy. I remember my parents coming to see me and my mom was worried because my face looked bruised from the dye. After about another hour, I was asked to get up and walk. I was told to roll onto my side and then sit up slowly. This was a little easier than I expected and the nurses were impressed at how easy it was for me. I held my IV in one hand and my dad took my other arm and he walked me around the nurses station twice before calling it quits. It wasn't difficult but I ached all over. I felt as though gravity was pulling me earthward and this is not a pleasant feeling when you're wearing nothing but a hospital gown and socks. I wanted so badly to be aware and to talk with my parents but I couldn't focus as the anesthesia wore off. I couldn't eat at all the first day so I needed to use a swab to keep my mouth from getting too dry. I didn't feel thirsty due to the saline in my system. When I had left the house that morning, I hadn't eaten a solid meal in two days and I was starving. After surgery, I felt fine.

I had five half-inch to an inch incisions on my abdomen. One had a drain still in it and twice a day, the fluid would be checked and emptied. It was a thick, red looking fluid that wasn't quite thick enough to be blood. I was assured beforehand not to worry, so I didn't. My other incisions were stitched and covered so I was unable to check them. I received an antibiotic through my IV at least twice a day and a blood thinner called Heprin (sp?) twice a day as well. You're not supposed to rub the injection site afterwards but the nurses did and I lived with those bruises for more than a week afterward.

After my first walk, I was walking again every three hours during the day and every four hours at night. By the end of the first night of walking, I was doing 6 laps at a time and no longer needed an arm to lean on while I walked. My parents stayed in a hotel near the hospital that first night.

At 8:00 AM the next morning, (Wednesday) a wheelchair came for me and I was taken downstairs to have a swallow test. The nurse or attendant who took me downstairs moved quickly and, combining that with bumpy floors and some tube pulling, I was completely nausious by the time I reached the x-ray lab. I was asked to stand up and squeeze between a wall and the machine, which were very close together. One of the techs tripped over my IV cord. The room was stuffy, the place they wanted me to stand was claustrophobia inducing and the liquid I had to swallow was nasty (but not as bad as I expected). I started to feel very sick and wanted to hyperventalate a little. The lead technician noticed my discomfort and thankfully finished quickly so that I could sit down again. I was wheeled into the hall and a nurse took me back to my room. At one point, she rolled over my catheter tube, which was not a happy feeling.

I was thrilled to get back to bed. Not long after my surgeon Dr. Lee came to see me. He said I had passed the swallow test and could begin having "meals" and drinking water. I also got to meet the other surgeon who had attended, Dr. Estakri. My first meal consisted of chicken broth, cherry JELL-O and apple juice. It tasted wonderful. I had to record my drinking rate on a chart, marking how much I drank in a fifteen minute period. My catheter was taken out and I was really happy about that. I was no longer going to be given my pain medication through the IV, since I could now take it orally. This I took every three hours, before walking. My parents came around 10:00 am and my mom spent the day with me watching Labryinth.

My parents had yellow roses delivered to my room with a card saying "Congratulations, Skinny!" That night after my parents went home, My friend Heather came to visit. She brought me some beautiful white roses with reddish tips and a bag full of magazines, a crossword puzzle book and bath essentials for hospital visits. She stayed and we talked for a few hours. My left arm started to swell where they'd placed the IV and I finally asked them to move it. One of the nurses tried once before asking her supervisor to do it. She tried once before calling in the pros. A nurse from the emergency room came and he did it quickly and so painlessly that I was duely impressed.

The second day (Thursday) my brother James and his girlfriend Andi came while I was up walking. I had planned on doing 10 laps but James made me do 12. The two sat and talked with me for a few hours before my parents arrived. Mom stayed with me all that day and we watched The Princess Bride. I didn't need a nap that day and was doing really well in all regards. My IV was taken out and I asked if I could wear my regular pajamas. After bathing with some warmed Wet Nap things and dressing, I spent most of the day walking, talking to my mom, watching movies and doing crossword puzzles. That night after my mom left, I watched a few movies on my own (Mean Girls, Lilo and Stitch and Mary Poppins).

The third day (Friday) I got myself up and packed up my things. I was told I could be released around 11:00, so I called my dad to tell him. When he arrived I was ready to go, but I needed him to go get some medication for me. He couldn't find it on his first trip and we soon discovered he'd gone to the wrong room. An attendant wheeled my outside and he loaded me into the car before running up to get my meds. I got to my parents home, happy to be there, and was promptly delivered to the couch.

Well, that was the hospital adventure! Tune in next time for what has happened in the weeks since then! Thanks to everyone who's been praying for me and I love you all!